You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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