you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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