This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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