Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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