she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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