I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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