I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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