that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
