Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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