I hate your face
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
