Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
