I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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