I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
