youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
