i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
