just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
