I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
