perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
