you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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