Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
