he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
