sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
