You're my little dorito
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
