Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
