Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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