I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
