Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
please don't ironically join a cult
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