My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
