Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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