u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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