I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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