Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
