We're like a lot better than the average bears
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am one with the molecules
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
