I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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