yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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