I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
