you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
