woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
