So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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