tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
