apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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