how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
