So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
