Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
