Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have fence marks all over my body
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
