I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
