Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
