I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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