Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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