Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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